Really funny how the universe works…..

It was only about an hour ago, I found myself lying on the kitchen floor, telling my mate that I had no sense of direction at the moment. I had no drive.  I was very content at going to bed at 7pm as opposed to going to hot yoga at 7:45.  Since I left my old job as a professional heart breaker/head hunter, and started my new gig here on KOnfidence, I’ve felt like I’ve lost the drive to inspire.  I haven’t been excited to write.  I don’t have a clear picture as to where I want to go in 3 months, 6 months, or even 12.  Will we even be on this earth plane after 12 months anyway?  It seems like one hour I’ll be feeling great.  For example, after I got home from jiujitsu today, I was on fire.  Then, after being by myself for another hour, I started feeling like I wasn’t accomplishing anything, hadn’t done enough, yada yada yada……

do you get where I’m going with this?  I know I’ve blogged about being my own worst critic before in the past.  In fact, I think it was one of the first topics I blogged about on my new site here.

Anyway, after having this half hour or so conversation with the mate, I got up from laying on the kitchen floor to eat dinner with him on the couch.  He pulled up my gmail account that has all the youtube commentary on it, and showed me a message that came in earlier today:

This one comment, changed my entire outlook on how I was feeling about the direction I’m going.  It also made me realize, that at some point, real soon, I’m going to need to stop looking for others approval to tell me that I’m going on the right direction.  Sure, some outward approval is nice from time to time.  Hell, it’s even necessary for most humans.  But, at what point, am I going to have 100% sure assurance, that I’m doing what I love to do and I do it because it feels good?  Well, IT ONLY FEELS GOOD WHEN I KNOW I’M HELPING SOMEONE ELSE OUT!  SO IF NO ONE TELLS ME I’M HELPING THEM OUT, THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!  lol…..

There is this issue of finding balance again.  I see this come up in my life time and time again.  Finding balance between needing external approval and my own self approval.  Does that make sense?  On the upside, and I’ll end on this, is that if you open your heart and mind, and allow yourself to be vulnerable, and not live life how you’rd ego like it to be: nice and cozy!, then the universe will take care of you just at the point of needing taken care of.

Such as tonight.  I was just at that tipping point of questioning everything I’m doing with my life at the moment.  TV show starting? finishing a book?  MMA fighter in less than 12 months?  what path?  WHAT THE F&$*# AM I DOING?!?!?!

Then, out of nowhere, someone somewhere posts a single comment that shaped my entire way of thinking/feeling.  Go figure-

and so it is-