As some of you know, I belong to a very elite group of folks, that can be found all over the world.  We aren’t as secretive as the Freemason’s, or the illuminati, but we like to keep to ourselves, amongst ourselves, when it comes to being in publicity, and the public view at large.  We do have open meetings, so those who are interested in us, and what we do and how we operate, can come in and observe.  I realised I was an alcoholic/addict around the age of 21.  Actually, it was a few days after my 21st birthday.  Handy, I didn’t need my fake i.d. anymore, so why not go ahead and try to knock it all off at the same time?  HAHA!  FAT CHANCE!

My story is compelling at the very least.  I have been writing a book for the past couple of years about my journey, therefore, I won’t go into much detail now.  But, I do feel it’s important to write about this while it’s fresh in my mind, and the excitement is still there.  For me, I haven’t had the desire to drink, let alone put any mind-altering substances in my body for some time now.  It’s been 2.5 years since I had a drink, and 1.5 years since I popped any pain pills.  The last time I had gone to a meeting was probably a couple of months ago.

Since I’ve moved into my new suburb, I’ve been telling myself every week that I would go to this meeting that was literally TWO BLOCKS away from the house.  Two months have gone by,, and I had yet to go.  Well, here was that time again today.  Spent the past 4 hours mourning the loss of my lifting Coach, with his family at a beautiful service.  Oddly enough, after the Catholic mass and the cremation ceremony, I didn’t even want to drink when it came time to let it all hang out, at the reception.  Then again, I had to go and pick up my dog, so I couldn’t stay long as it was.  Anyway, upon getting home, I thought, “nahhhhhhhhhhhhh, I don’t need to go.  I don’t feel like drinking.”, then the other voice in my head said, “ah you jerk!  I’m sick and tired of you saying you’re going to do something, then not do it!  JUST DO IT!”……

Then it dawned on me…. the thing about being an alcoholic/addict (it’s all the same thing to me….I even introduce myself as a “shoe-a-holic” at some meetings!), is NOT the drinking or over-doing bit, at all!  It’s about ME, ME, ME!  Such a large part of this disease comes from being self-centred.   I didn’t have a “drinking problem”, I had a “me” problem.  So I thought to myself, “how self-centred of you to not go to a meeting.  meetings are about being there for other people who might need to hear the one thing that I say…. the new comer who is having a VERY difficult time being in their own skin, and can’t stop thinking about wanting to take their next drink….”.

OH YEAH!  How could I forget that.  There’s just a part of me that lies empty when I’m not helping someone else out.  When it comes to drinking, or any other form of addiction, it takes one to know one.  I can walk into one of ‘those meetings’, anywhere in the world, and hug a stranger, and sit and have a conversation with that person, and feel like I’ve known them my entire life.  It’s a really cool fraternal-type of organisation…. except we remember every thing we do or say the day after : )  I used to look at it like, “Oh, poor fukin me… why me!”.  Now, now I can say “I’m grateful I can be my true self, and not feel like I need to get out of my head, and catch a buzz to be a better, lover, dancer, fighter, creator, masturbator….” (you name it, I could drink over it!).  But you know what, it took time.  It took me over a year, maybe even two years to get to that point.  But in the grand scheme of things, that’s just a drop in the bucket when compared to having the rest of my entire life to live, on top of being able to remember every thing I’ve said and done.

My two schools of thought used to consist of:  A.  Get out of my way!  and B.  Oh shit… what have I done now?

Nowadays, “easy does it”